


The Cycle of Life and Death

by distractedgemini



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 12:07:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22849882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distractedgemini/pseuds/distractedgemini
Summary: Summary: Mia came to Tony Stark with a problem- everything she touches decays and dies, everything. She consents to being put in a cryo-sleep so that Tony can study Mia’s problem and try to find some solution that allows her to exist, well, period.Now, she’s awake.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

Your eyes opened, slowly blinking, adjusting to the light, then heard voices.

“Ah, there she is!” someone called.

“Wait, is she up from cryo?” someone else yelled, and you could hear footsteps approaching.

“Yes, but I need to help reorient her. She has been asleep for a while now.”

The voice had been right. You were completely overwhelmed with everything and desperately needed to feel grounded. Over what felt like a few days or weeks, the man, Tony Stark, helped you.

It turned out, however, that you were asleep in cryo for three years while Tony, Dr. Banner, and a young man named Peter Parker had been researching how to help you.

“We learned a lot about what is going on inside your body while you were asleep, but now we need to learn about how it reacts to you and vice versa.”

You nodded, and Tony handed you a stack of clothing.

“We made clothing from the material vibranium. It turns out that it is the only thing that will help-”

“Help me not infect and decay everything I touch?” you finished for him.

“Yes.”

You changed into the clothing, a pair of high waisted jeans, and a long-sleeved mock neck shirt. You then slipped on your shoes and gilded your hands into the gloves.

You didn’t meet everyone right away. For the first week, you stayed in a special room built next to the lab so that Tony and the team could make sure you were stable.

Finally, after checking your vitals and a few other stats, Tony took you downstairs, showing you where you would be calling home. He leads you to a group of people and makes an announcement.   
“Listen up everyone, this is Mia, she was in cryo for a few years and has been awake for about a week. I expect everyone to make her feel welcome.”

Tony took you around, introducing you to everyone.

It was all good and everyone was polite, and you were doing your best to not say the wrong thing.

Then, you were being introduced to a man with long hair, and bright blue eyes. Immediately meeting your gaze, it was as if you were suddenly lost in a trance. It was as if you were looking straight into his soul, while at the same time, he could see yours. All the pain. The sorrow you held. He recognized it right away.

Tony cleared his throat, feeling some odd tension building between the two.

The man shook his head and offered you his hand.

“I-I’m James.”

That night, alone in your bed, you replayed what you saw in James’ eyes. Everything felt so painfully familiar and knew that even though you knew it was going to hurt, you needed to figure out what it was.

So the next day, you decided to start getting into a routine. Sleep didn’t come easily to you, and eventually, when it did, it never stayed long. You woke before the sun and put on a pair of workout tights, a tank top, and your gloves- you should be alright, no one would be up this early.

You felt relief as you entered the gym and no one else was there.

You began on a treadmill, wanting to wake your body up before getting into your work out. Next, you did a series of squats and lunges with weights before moving on to the punching bag. Music you didn’t recognize pumped into your ears, volume up as you skillfully began to land hit after hit.

Then, something touched your skin.

Yanking out your headphones, you turned to the person, shock and horror evident in your eyes.  
“DO NOT TOUCH ME!” you called out as you looked over the man’s hands, only to find a normal hand with untainted flesh and a metal one.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mia,” he stuttered.

You breathed a sigh of relief, “You’re alright,” you say as you looked over his hands and arms again, then looking up at him, only to be met with that pair of soul-piercing eyes.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Are you alright?” he asked cautiously.

“Uh, yes… um, it’s just bad news if anyone touches my skin.” You said, confused. “Hope you have a good morning, James,” you said before grabbing your stuff and running out of the gym and to the safety of your room.

You showered, determined to go straight to the lab to inform Tony about what had happened. You threw on a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans, then headed up to the lab.

After talking with Tony, you decided to explore the compound.

You walked through the quiet hallways, up and down stairs until you find yourself in a rather abandoned looking apartment. Much like the one you stay in a few floors below, except it is dark and covered in elegant green. You run your hand over the musty couches, dust creating a layer on your gloves. Near the back you find an old piano covered in a black sheet. Pulling it off, dust swirls all around you and you carefully sit at the bench. You stroke your fingers over the keys and as you begin to play, light begins to transform the room around you.

“Ahem,” a voice startles you from playing.

“Oh!” you call out, “What the fuck?” you looked around and realized that the room was no longer dark and dusty, but light and rather pristine looking.

“You disturbed my peace,” the man said, looking at you unpleasantly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know anyone lived here because the place looked like shit when I came in,” you shot back.

The man looked you over, scrutinizing every detail before finally extending a hand.

“I am Loki, God of Mischief. And who might you be?”


	2. Chapter 2

Adjusting from being in cryostasis for three years was incredibly difficult and it was hard to know what was a memory and what wasn’t. Everything from before felt like a dream. However, it helped that you and Loki became fast friends. He was intrigued by you, but respected your wishes when you didn’t want to talk about things. 

“Darling!” Loki called out to you as you rubbed your eyes and opened the fridge.

“Why are you yelling at me so early in the morning?” You grumbled.

“First, it is 2 in the afternoon and I was not yelling. Second, you are getting out of this place. You need a day out and I intend to make it a fun one,” he said with a wink.

“Whatever mischief you are planning… I was gonna say forget about it but I actually do need a little fun.”

“That’s the spirit! Now, my love, go put on something… less like this on and we will head off.”

You turned around, rolling your eyes. As soon as you were out of eyesight though you ran the rest of the way to your room and changed your clothes. 

On your way back out to the kitchen, you ran into Bucky, quite literally.

“Oof,” you said taking a step back.

“Oh, sorry. You look really nice,” Bucky complimented.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, pink beginning to tint your cheeks. 

“Are you going somewhere?” He asked after a moment.

“Yeah, yeah, Loki wanted to get me out of here for the day.”

“Cool,” Bucky paused, as your eyes finally met his. It was like you were both drawn in, the pain and suffering swirling just under the surface.

“Amelia, there you are,” Loki said gently down the hall, “are you ready to go?” 

“Y-yes, uh, good to see you, James.” You gave him a tight-lipped smile before hurrying off after Loki. 

Much to your surprise, Loki had simply asked you to close your eyes when suddenly you were in the middle of New York City, literally. 

“AH!” you yelled out as you leaned over, clutching your legs to keep you upright, “A little warning would have been nice.”

“But where is the fun in that?” he answered smoothly.

Loki led you through the city, arm in arm. You watched people as they went by and was suddenly grateful for the chilly weather. You didn’t look weird wearing gloves. 

“So, a few years ago, and I am not proud of the outcome, but I attempted to take over New York.” Loki led you to where Stark tower used to stand and motioned to his surroundings. 

“Wait… are you disappointed that you tried or that you failed?” you asked, eyeing him carefully.

“Most certainly that I failed, my dear. Have you learned nothing of me in our time together?” Loki answered lie it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

This caused you to chuckle, “So why are you sharing this with me? Why not share with me something you are proud of?” you asked sincerely.

Loki wrapped an arm around you and talked as he walked with you. “I am sharing this with you because I know there are things inside of you that you aren’t proud of, that you don’t have control over. There is no point in feeling shame when you are not in the driver’s seat, so to speak.”

You choked back the tears that were threatening to spill over at his words, “how do you-”

“How do I know?” he finished for you, “I know much more than anyone thinks I do,” he explained with a wink. “Now, I did not get you away from those insufferable mortals to make you feel emotions other than joy. Let us go have a good time, shall we?” 

After your adventure with Loki, you began to open up to him about parts of you and it helped, he helped, so much. But the pull you felt towards James continued growing stronger and it was beginning to become painful to be around him.

You were on a jog outside, despite the light rain falling from the sky when you saw him for the first time in weeks. He and Steve were deep in conversation across the vast field behind the compound. You were heading towards the wooded area just beyond it to continue your jog (and also to avoid being near him).

Bucky looked up from Steve, who had been talking about a diner from the 40’s that had been reopened back in Brooklyn, and while he was intrigued, he caught a glance of your form heading for the forest, your eyes meeting his for a moment before you disappeared behind the trees.

“Hey,” he said turning back to Steve, “do you know what’s up with Mia?”

Steve shook his head, “I only know she’s been through hell and back.” He shrugged before turning back to his best friend, “but you wouldn’t know anything about that, would ya Buck,” he said sarcastically. 

You continued to run deeper and deeper into the woods, the sound of the rain falling on the treetops and your pounding feet on the earth beneath you the only thing you paid attention to. Eventually, you sat down, back against a large tree. 

A leaf had floated down beside you and you picked it up, inspecting it. Carefully, you took off one of your gloves and held the stem between your thumb and forefinger. You watched on with disappointment as blackness overtook the leaf in vein-like patterns until it fell apart in your hand. “DAMMIT!” you yelled out, tears spilling from your eyes.

You had felt hope, that maybe you could control your powers more now. But now that you knew the answer, you felt your heartbreak for the millionth time because of your powers. Never again would you have the chance to hold another hand in yours, skin to skin. You would not risk the comfort of touch again. You refused. The last time, it had ended in devastation.

You had been kidnapped when you were 21, and still held no memories of what had happened, except that they had you for a very long time. When you finally got out, you threw yourself in your lover’s arms, the embrace calming and grounding you until he began to call out in pain and agony.

You pulled back to see what was wrong- what you saw would haunt you till your dying day. Blackness was crawling up and around his body where you had touched him. His hands, his arms, his neck, and lips where you had planted kisses. All of it covered in the decaying blackness that took his life. That had come from you.

You had run away, in a sobbing mess, where your captures found you again. Tying you and blindfolding you yet again. This time, you didn’t have the willpower to fight back.

The sound of footsteps approaching drew you back into the present, sitting alone in the woods, crying. You saw the forms of Steve and James approaching, and you quickly put your glove back on and did your best to wipe the sorrow from your features. 

Bucky approached you, kneeling on the wet earth, Steve standing a few steps back.

“Hey doll,” he said gently, “How about we go inside?” 

You nodded and allowed him to help you up. Once he made contact with you, despite the layers of protective clothing, the pain you’d been feeling around James vanish. Feeling some form of peace for the first time in weeks, he led you back to warmth. Only once you got inside did you realize the rain had picked up and you were a sopping, shivering wreck. 

Wanda and Natasha took you from him to help you get cleaned up and warm. Wanda already found two pairs of gloves for her and Nat to put on while helping you undresses and get warm.

Once they were done, you lay in your soft bed, surrounded by the heavy blankets. Wanda and Nat had left to give you some time alone, and it wasn’t until after they were gone that you had wished someone had stayed, but you didn’t have the energy to ask.

Your mind was almost completely enveloped in blackness when you heard a quiet knock at your door. You did your best to make a sound, letting them know they could enter. 

James opened the door to your dark room and stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. He then turned on a lamp before going to sit down in a chair next to your bed. 

“James?” you called softly to him.

“Yeah doll?” 

“Uh, would you… would you come here? I, I can’t-”

Without another word, he pulled his boots off and laid down next to you, on top of your blankets.

Neither of you had nightmares that night.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Tony was at your door with a psychologist, not knowing how else to help you. James left, and she sat down after introducing herself let you know if you wanted to talk, you could, and if you didn’t want to you didn’t have to. 

You both sat quietly for a while until tears were streaming down your face. That was all you did in your first session.

In the next session, your thoughts were racing everywhere and even if you wanted to talk you wouldn’t have known where to begin. 

It was at the end of the third session that you finally said something.

“I’m a monster.”

She smiled kindly, “We can work with that.” Then posed the question, “Why do you feel you are a monster?”

It ran through your mind for the next few days. 

Why do you feel you are a monster?  
Because I suck the life out of everything I touch.

Why do you feel you are a monster?

Because I was turned into a killer.

Why do you feel you are a monster?

Because it runs in my veins.

Answers and justifications ran through your mind anytime you thought of the question, and eventually, memories. 

You had been walking with Loki in silence when suddenly the thoughts became too much. Loki had been helping you tap into your memories, but on the days when it became too much, you’d go for a walk with him and he would help distract you. 

Today, it wasn’t working. 

You excused yourself to try to work through the chaos in your mind.

Bucky ran into the gym when he heard screaming and cursing, he threw open the doors where he saw you letting your emotions out on the same punching bag he had touched you for the first time. 

“DAMNIT! DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!” you screamed as you threw punches at the punching bag, “FUCK ALL THIS! GO TO HELL!” Your last hit sent the bag flying off of its hinge and landing on the floor next to a wall. “AHHH!” let out as you began sinking to the floor, holding your knees to your chest, angry sobs erupted from you, shaking your form.

Bucky quickly made his way over, “Mia, it’s me, it’s Bucky, it’s going to be okay,” he said as he pulled you into his lap. 

Then he heard five words he vividly remembered crying out himself.

“I don’t want to remember…” you sobbed.

It was while he was being re-calibrated in Wakanda. As progress was made in the beginning, the terrible memories he had buried as far away as he could had begun to resurface. He had wrapped himself into a ball, grasping at his head, crying out the same words, “I don’t want to remember anymore.” 

Then Steve held him and made him feel safe. 

So he just held you as painful sobs were choked out and you buried yourself into his chest. 

Bucky held you for what had felt like hours, and from the way the sky was fading from pastel colors to darkness, you knew it had to have been. 

As your cries quieted, you focused on the sounds of him breathing, in and out, and the beating of his heart until you managed to match his breaths. You moved so that you were no longer on his lap, now sitting next to him, your head resting on his shoulder.

“Doll, you can talk to me, if you want, you know that right?” he asked, gently brushing the hair from your face.

You nodded, “I know, and I want to, but it’s hard for me.”

He smiled softly and waited.

After taking a few deep breaths you told him about the kidnapping. The torture. The pain. You weren’t sure how long they had you, but at one point you managed to break free. Afraid to go home, you contacted your boyfriend and had him meet you in central park. 

“I will never forget the look in his eyes, James. The realization that I had killed him by my touch… it will haunt me till the day I die.”

You took another deep breath before turning to look at Bucky, looking in his eyes, finding that familiar pain and sorrow, and you knew he understood. 

“James,” you said after a moment, “I am a monster. Destruction is the only thing left behind me and anticipated before me. I don’t deserve anything Tony or even you, have done for me.” 

He stared back into your eyes, finding it hard to believe, yet easy to understand, that the woman who sat next to him felt so many painful things about herself.

“Amelia, no,” he said, barely above a whisper, “you aren’t a monster. Trust me. I was brainwashed into being a super-assassin. It took time to learn, as it will you, but you are not a monster. They controlled you. They made you do those things. It isn’t your fault.” 

You shook your head and stood up from next to him, looking him over once more, noting his flesh still hadn’t been infected before walking away. 

“Please, Mia, let’s just… we can get through this, okay?”

You wanted to turn back, to believe James when he said you weren’t a monster. Instead, you walked out of the gym and went to your room, changing out of your sticky clothing from sweating and crying, putting on a different pair of gloves and a scarf, you went out into the night. 

Bucky couldn’t sleep. With what you had said to him earlier echoing in his mind he made his way to your room and knocked quietly, but with no answer. He knocked again before cracking the door open to find your dark, empty room.

He ran to notify Steve, who let Tony know. Almost everyone was out looking for you, besides Wanda who stayed behind just in case you came back. 

It had been hours since Bucky had last seen you so Tony had FRIDAY going over security footage from the compound, surrounding traffic lights, bus stations, airport, all of it. Sam and Steve were on a lead, apparently, a man at a bar had been “flirting back and forth” with her when her eyes went black and she dared him to touch her again. 

Bucky, on the other hand, had made his way to New York City, and now, was standing in central park where you told him you had briefly met your lover before his body decayed before your eyes. 

It was a more secluded spot, which made sense as to why the man’s death hadn’t been a huge scene. He stood about where you would have been, according to your description. He then closed his eyes, centering himself, before he opened them back up to scan around him. There was a slim path behind him. He then walked wherever the path took him. After about 20 minutes, he found himself looking under a large tree next to an unmarked building. 

He could see your one of your feet outstretched from the other side of the tree and listened. He let out a sigh of relief as he heard your lungs expanding and collapsing with each breath, the steady beat of your heart. 

Not wanting to scare you, he made sure to step on some leaves that were on the ground as he walked up to you.

“Took you long enough,” you mumbled. 

Bucky let out another sigh of relief as he saw you completely. Laid out on the grass, staring up through the small canopy the tree made above you.

He sat down next to you. And surprised both of you at his words, “Where the hell have you been? What, you think you can just leave without telling anyone where you were going? That’s not how it works.” His voice stern, but filled with pain. 

You sat up and looked at him, and instead of shooting back a sassy comment, you wrapped your arms around him. 

“I’m okay,” you said in hushed tones, “I am alright. I’m here.” 

He breathed in your scent as you held him. You might have the powers of death and decay, but you smelled like life- sunshine, rain, earthy. 

You pulled back after a moment. “You should tell everyone you have me and I’m alright, that we will be back soon.”

He nodded and spoke over the comm, letting the rest of the team know exactly what you had told him.

“I’m sending the quinjet, it will be there in-”

“Just trust me, Steve, we will be back in a few hours. Don’t send the quinjet, okay?”

James then turned back to you. “What happened, Mia? Why did you run out on me?”

You stood up and reached your hand out to him to help him up. He took it even though you both knew he didn’t need it. You began walking the way Bucky had just come.

“I was angry, I don’t respond well to anger because I’m not sure what I’m going to do. So I went to a bar, which was so stupid, of course, and let myself pretend I was normal and would just get drunk and forget about everything, except, I can’t get drunk,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Then this guy started hitting on me and wouldn’t leave me alone and eventually touched me. Luckily over my sleeve, but I then dared him to touch me again and could feel my power taking over. So then I ran from that. After wandering, I saw a train that was heading to Central Park, and I hopped on. I realized I never made peace with his death… I never forgave myself. So I made my way back to where I last saw him, held him. I actually slept on the bench right there.”

You pointed to the bench as you both passed by it. You then let go of James’ hand and knelt on the ground, on the spot that would forever be ingrained in your memory. You bent over and kissed the ground, offering a silent goodbye before standing up and rejoining James. 

You refused to look back, but he did and smiled widely to himself as he watched a small, dark flower begin to sprout from where your lips had touched the ground. 

Back on the train, you ended up sleeping on Bucky’s lap. He stayed awake the entire time, running his flesh fingers through your hair, and quickly sent a text to Tony before he forgot.


	4. Chapter 4

“They called me the Deathbringer. My job was to wipe out the enemy as silently as possible,” you explained to Tony, and your psychologist Dr. Cho. “I had become so powerful I simply had to touch the grass they stood on and before they knew what was happening, they were gone.”

Memories had begun to come back since you had made your way back to New York seeking peace. You were moving along towards healing, making an immense amount of progress. It was still painful, but James was always there if you had nightmares, or if you just needed someone around. You were talking to Dr. Cho, too. It was good.

Unbeknownst to you, Tony had a large, clear pot holding the flower that grew from your kiss, taking samples of the flower, as well as the soil surrounding it, and was quickly learning what it was and how it came to grow.

“Mia!” Wanda called after you as you made your way to the kitchen.

“Hey Wanda, what’s up?” you asked as she quickly caught up to you.

“We are having a party tonight,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Wanda, I swear if it’s one of Tony’s giant, over the top parties I am not going.”

She stood in front of you to stop you, “No, it is… low key. Just the team, loads of pizza, karaoke, drinks. Please come! It’s going to be so much fun and I want you to have a good time.”

You rolled your eyes, “Okay fine, I guess I’ll come,” a small grin forming on your lips, “Wait, so why were you wiggling your eyebrows like that when you first asked?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just, well, Bucky said something about it, and you and it will be good and you should come.”

You suddenly were narrowing your eyes at your friend, “Wanda,” you said sternly, “Did he say it out loud, or did he say it in his mind?”

A mischievous smile spread over your friend’s face, “who’s to say?” then began walking away.

“YOU ARE THE ONE TO SAY!” you yelled and began to chase after her, “THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE- oh shit, I’m sorry,” you said as a pair of familiar hands caught you.

“Why are we yelling at Wanda?” he asked, brow raised.

“Um, just, you know, the difference between listening in on people’s conversations versus listening in on their thoughts.”

“Whose brain is she peeking into now?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Oh, well, everyone’s really,” you said, hoping to change the subject.

You and Bucky both realized at the same time that he was still holding you, and how close you were to him. He swore you could hear just how loud his heart was beating in his chest. You looked up at him, a shy smile gracing your lips. You tried to hide it, but it was no use. It grew wider and wider as you looked into his eyes. You noticed that instead of just the pain you always saw reflected in his eyes, was joy, and something else you weren’t ready to name.

“You guys coming to the sleepover tonight?” Sam asked as he threw open the fridge door, causing you both to step back from the other.

“Maybe-” Bucky started, but you cut him off.

“Yeah! I haven’t been to a sleepover since I was 12.”

“I’ll be there,” he changed his answer after hearing how excited you were about it.

“Sweet. I heard Thor and Loki are coming and they are bringing their fancy alcohol with them so you can get trashed if you feel so inclined.”

You both just nodded, and you had to admit, it would be fun to get a bit buzzed, not having the opportunity in a long time. But what you really wanted, was to have a fun time with James that you would remember.

You parted ways to go find Wanda and get ready for the night that lay ahead of you. She had tried to get you to wear something a little more revealing, but after reminding her you didn’t want to kill everyone there she pulled out a pair of soft, high waisted leggings and a semi- cropped long sleeve shirt.

When you and Wanda arrived, a few people were already there, in clothing just as casual as yours. You gave her a look telling her ‘I told you so’, before going to introduce yourself to Thor and saying hello to Loki.

“Ah! There she is! The bi-” Loki cut Thor off by shoving his elbow into his brother’s side.

“Amelia!” Loki called out interrupting him, hugging you. “You gave us quite the fright the other day. Good to see you back.”

You returned the hug and Thor cleared his throat. “I am Thor, God of Thunder,” he said taking your hand and kissing the back of your glove, “it is  
an honor to meet you.”

You got to know Thor before he ran off to drink with Steve, leaving you with Loki.

“Um, can I… can I test something out on you, Loki?” you timidly asked, moving to sit on the plush couch. 

Loki leaned in, “You can do anything to me, princess.”

You rolled your eyes and chuckled, “Not like that.”

“A god can hope, can’t he?” he replied quickly.

“Whatever,” you said rolling your eyes. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while… Since you aren’t mortal…” You explained your potentially dangerous idea to your friend and he could not agree fast enough.

“Yes! That sounds like fun! Now, this is starting to look like my kind of party!” he exclaimed, but only loud enough that you could hear.

Bucky watched from across the room as Loki tugged off one of your gloves and brought your hand to touch his face. You held it there for a moment, enjoying the warmth from his skin before pulling it away.

“My, my, Loki, God of Mischief, you are not dead,” you stated.

“It seems as though I am not. Maybe you ought to ‘leave the gloves at home’ so to speak and enjoy the night,” he suggested as he engulfed your hand in his, kissing your bare hand this time.

“Where is the damn mead,” Bucky grumbled to Steve.

“I doubt it’s what it looks like Buck, just go see her,” Steve said as Bucky poured himself a glass.

You laughed at Loki’s advances, both of you know you didn’t have romantic feelings for the god, but he continued to keep you company as long as you’d have him. He was busy telling you a story of one time he had turned himself into a snake because Thor loved snakes, then, after Thor had picked him up, he’d turn back and say something along the lines of, “HA! It is I! Loki!” before stabbing him and running away when Wanda was standing in front of everyone with the microphone.

“Alright everyone, as we all know, this isn’t just some random party, it is Mia’s birthday!” she slurred out happily, “The only reason this all worked out is because she didn’t even know it was her birthday, so to the birthday girl!” she said raising her drink towards you, everyone following suit, and cheering for you before taking a drink.

You turned to Loki, “Oh shit, she’s right.”

The night continued to be amazing. You decided you would drink some of the “Asgardian special brew” as you called it. A nice buzz settling in. You were going around talking with people when you realized you hadn’t seen James yet. As you were heading to ask Steve where he was, you were being called up to the microphone to be the first one to start karaoke out.

Bucky was standing near the back, out of sight, questioning every look and every touch that had been shared between the two of you. The connection he could feel. He watched as you begrudgingly took the microphone from Clint, and told him what you would sing.

“Take it easy with me, please  
Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze  
Take your time, make it slow  
Andante, Andante  
Just let the feeling grow”

Bucky lost himself for a moment. He knew this song because you had shown it to him once, saying it was one of your favorites. He had gone and listened to it over and over until it was committed to memory.

“Make your fingers soft and light  
Let your body be the velvet of the night  
Touch my soul, you know-how  
Andante, Andante  
Go slowly with me now”

You searched for him as you sang, wishing he’d know it was for him.

“I’m your music  
I’m your song  
Play me time and time again and make me strong  
Make me sing, make me sound  
Andante, Andante  
Tread lightly on my ground”

Bucky let himself pretend you were singing all for him, but he watched as you kept looking to Loki. Jealousy began filling him.

“Andante, Andante  
Oh please don’t let me down  
There’s a shimmer in your eyes  
Like the feeling of a thousand butterflies  
Please don’t talk, go on, play  
Andante, Andante  
And let me float away”

Bucky couldn’t stand it anymore and quickly left. Your eyes finally caught him as he left, and you smiled as you sang, but he didn’t see it.

“I’m your music  
I’m your song  
Play me time and time again and make me strong  
Make me sing, make me sound  
Andante, Andante  
Tread lightly on my ground  
Andante, Andante  
Oh please don’t let me down  
Make me sing, make me sound  
Andante, Andante  
Tread lightly on my ground

Andante, Andante  
Oh please don’t let me down  
Andante, Andante  
Oh please don’t let me down”

Everyone cheered and wanted an encore, but you declined, making Clint go next since he was the one to make you go first.

You ran after Bucky, at least, where you thought he would be. You caught the elevator to go to the top floor, hoping, praying he would be there. After exiting the elevator, you climbed the stairs that led to the roof. You opened the door as quietly as possible, but you knew he heard.

“Hi,” you started as you approached him, “You missed my song.”

He could have sworn you sounded disappointed but shook the thought from his head. “Why does that matter? Seemed like Loki sure enjoyed it.”

You were taken aback at his statement, confused. “Um probably? Why does that matter?”

“Oh it just seemed like you two were reeeaaally enjoying your time together,” the venom in his words did not go unnoticed.

“Oh?” you asked, “So you really were there? I didn’t make it up in my mind that you ran out?” anger bubbling up within you.

“I was there!” he yelled out, “I was there and I saw everything between you and Loki!” he spat.

“THEN WHY WEREN’T YOU THE ONE I WAS SPENDING TIME WITH BUCKY!?” you yelled back.

He hadn’t realized it, but this was the first time you called him Bucky, and he hated it. He had grown to love the gentle way you’d practically sing his given name. Unfortunately, instead of expressing this, he let his jealousy get the best of him.

“BECAUSE YOU WERE SO CAUGHT UP WITH HIM!” he yelled back, “WHY HIM, MIA?” Just then he noticed your eyes going black.

“OH? AND I BELONG TO YOU NOW? AM I YOUR PROPERTY?” you stood up and angrily made your way to the door that would take you back inside. “I GUESS I DON’T GET TO SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS, HUH? SCREW YOU BUCKY!” you yelled as you slammed the door.

Part of you wanted to get really drunk and enjoy your time, but you couldn’t. You were hurt and angry. As you walked through the party, the atmosphere instantly changed. It literally felt as if decay was radiating from you. Steve went to go towards you but Wanda stopped him.

“Check on Bucky instead. She will kill anyone who comes near her right now. “

He nodded and headed off to find Bucky.

He had made his way to the gym and was giving the punching bag a piece of his mind. Steve came in to find his friend yelling at the punching bag until it quickly flew across the room and dented the wall where it hit.  
“Damn, Buck,” was all he said as Bucky went to replace the bag with a new one.

“What do you want, Steve?” Bucky asked him, no longer angry.

“I’m here to make sure you’re okay,” He was now standing next to Bucky and placed a hand on his shoulder, “really seemed like you and Mia got into it.”

Bucky shook his head, “I was an idiot and am never drinking that damned Asgardian mead ever again.”

He explained everything to his friend, in detail. Steve could see the pain he was feeling as he recalled what you had both said to each other.

“You need to talk to her. Something seemed… off about her. She was radiating something stifling.”

Bucky nodded and ran off to find you.

You heard a light knocking on your door, “Go away,” you called, hoping your voice didn’t tremble too much.

They knocked again, “Mia, I am a complete idiot, please let me in,” his voice carried through the doors and while you wanted to open the door and have him hold you, you couldn’t.

“No,” you called back, “just… leave me alone, James, okay?”  
Then, it sounded as if he smiled, “you called me James this time,” before you heard his footsteps fade away.

You watched Kiki’s Delivery Service for the millionth time as you fell asleep, stuffing your face with some chips someone, James, you suspected, had left in front of your door along with some water and sour watermelons.

You woke up the next morning, covered in snacks and your head pounding. You jumped in the shower, letting the hot water wash everything away as you recalled the events of last night. You shook it off and decided you’d leave your room to find some real food. Still groggy, you walked through the great room where charred footprints from the elevator to your room were left.

“What the hell,” you said to yourself.  
You decided you would deal with it later, and grabbed an apple from the counter, only to watch it decay and disintegrate in your gloved hand.  
At that, you booked it upstairs.

“Tony!” you called out, but no response, “TONY!” you yelled this time, finding him passed out at his desk, a deep, dark blue colored flower in a large, clear vase sitting in front of him. You were about to shake him but thought better of it.

“Tony,” you said just loud enough near his ear to rouse him.

“What is it, what’s going on?” He asked as he sat up.

“Tony, look,” you grabbed the orange on his desk, hand still gloved as it was quickly covered in black and turned to dust.

“Oh shit.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Well, it seems you unlocked some of the potency of your powers through your anger last night. While I am excited to see what this means, it is also very dangerous. You need to stay in control. Now,” Tony said walking off to his office, coming back with a potted flower in hand, “This was supposed to be a sort of birthday present, but obviously there wasn’t time for that. Bucky  
said this grew from the spot of ground you kissed in central park. We decided it would be better if I looked into to make sure it wasn’t dangerous or harmful, that sort of thing. So I did. And it seems that this flower grew from your powers as you began to accept yourself and your past.”

You felt your eyes getting watery as you looked over the flower. “I made that,” you said in awe, taking in the deep blues of the small flower.

Tony nodded, “And now we’ve learned that giving in to your anger only strengthens your powers, who knows if it works for life as well as death.”

Thanks to Loki, Tony was able to upgrade your gloves with a material from Asgard so that you didn’t destroy everything you touched.

“You’ll have to be careful until I can up your clothing as well,” he told you before you left.

“I understand,” you said, closing the door behind him.

As soon as the door was shut, you began running down the stairs to the gym. There had to be a way you could learn to control your powers.

You spent all day in the gym.  
You pushed yourself running, but that didn’t help.  
You tried meditating, but that didn’t either.  
Same with yoga, kickboxing, anything you could think of.  
Your favorite ABBA album began to play through the speakers you had playing loudly, and you started dancing and singing along. Before you knew it, you began to feel the feelings you were holding onto being released. The anger, the disappointment, the pain, the sadness. All of it was released from your body as you danced around the gym. You found yourself belting the first words of the song, Mamma Mia, when he came in.

“I was cheated by you! I think you know when!”

“I know when too,” his voice carried over the music, straight to your ears.  
You turned to face him, asking FRIDAY to turn off the music, silence suddenly filling the now empty air. “I was being honest when I said I was being an idiot last night, um, the yelling before that, that was bullshit.”

You crossed your arms, “You really hurt me, James.”

“Yeah, I did that, and I feel completely awful about it. As soon as the words were coming out of my mouth I regretted it. Then you called me Bucky and I just… I don’t know, I don’t want to give you excuses as to why I acted the way I did, I just hope you understand how disappointed in myself and sorry I am.”  
He took a step towards you, and when you didn’t move, he took another.

“It seemed like you and Loki were really hitting it off, and rather than just asking you about it, I assumed you didn’t care for me the way I was hoping you did. And then I saw you touch him and I couldn’t take it.” He took another few steps until you were only a foot or so apart. “Can you forgive me?”

Your face broke down, “Yes, of course, I can. Will you forgive me for reacting the way I did? I knew it was mean, and that it would alter my powers, but I let my hurt get the best of me.”

James broke out in a smile, “Please, any sane person would have reacted similarly, but yes, I do forgive you.”

“Good,” you said as you took a small step closer to him. You were about to lean in and close the gap between you two when Steve burst through the doors.

“MIA DON’T TOUCH HIM!” He called out, “WAIT!”

You both turned to him, confused, but obliging by stepping apart and showing him your hands. You were both rushed back up to the lab where you had left Tony not even two hours ago.

“Oh good,” Tony said, letting out a breath he seemed to be holding. He sat you down on the table as he began looking you over. “Loki came by again a few minutes ago. When you had touched him, he had gotten a sense of  
your powers, and then again as it shifted after your fight with Bucky. He said you may be feeling lighter, maybe that you were able to let go of some of your anger, but it was just the darkness ebbing to come back harder and take over. If that happens, we are doomed.”

“Shit. I knew this felt too good to be true,” you rubbed your hands over your face as you absorbed the new information. Then, you took off your gloves, much to everyone’s disapproval, to see your veins turning black. You pulled up your sleeve to see it going up your arms, an without thinking threw off your shirt to see it beginning to reach your heart.

“It’s almost too late,” Tony said before running around, sending demands to Steve and Bucky who did as he said.

“Mia, my darling Mia, you are going to have to go to sleep now. If we don’t slow your heart, you may be taken over completely.”  
You nodded your head and laid down. He attached an IV to a vein that hadn’t been taken over yet, which was, unfortunately in your neck. “Do you trust me?” he asked quickly.

“Yes. Do it. Bring me back to J-” the cool liquid spread through your veins, taking you over quickly.

You woke up to blackness, at least you thought you were awake. You began walking around, the wet ground sloshed as your bare feet moved forward.

“Hello?” you called, only hearing your echo answer you. “Hello?”, you stopped mid-step when you felt rumbling beneath you. You took a few steps back only to be met by something solid and slick.

“Hello,” it said. You turned around only to be met with yourself, except your eyes were void of all color and what seemed to look like black tattoos covered your hands and circled up your arms.

“Who are you?” you asked.

“You know who I am,” it replied.

You shook your head, a sick feeling taking over.

“SAY IT!” it demanded.

“You are what lives inside me,” you responded.

You were met by a sickening laugh, “You think I am simply what lives inside you? HA! Wrong. I am you. You are a shell of me. We bring destruction in our wake. The worlds bow to us, pleading to be speared. We are Death. We are Decay. We are infecting everyone around us, no matter how immune you may feel they are. Look at your friends now, dying from your touch.”

Suddenly you could see Bucky and Loki, Wanda and Nat, Tony, Steve, everyone gasping for air as the infection spread throughout their bodies.

“No.” you stated. “I don’t believe you. Why should I?” You demanded.

“Getting fire-y on us now, I see? It isn’t going to help. Because soon everyone you thought you loved will be dead and we will reign supreme, together, whether you choose to or not. But trust me when I say, in the end, you will choose to.”

The blackness began to crawl up your legs, around your torso, your arms, only leaving your head and neck free from its grasp. Raising you up from the ground, you began to see the things you never allowed yourself to see.

Children crying out in pain as death and decay overcame them. Leaders bowing at your feet, worshiping you. Decay spreading, taking over every living thing that came into its reach. And then you saw yourself, beautiful and powerful.

“NO!” You screamed, “STOP!”

Bucky was given the task of observing you for any changes in breathing, heart rate, temperature, and pulse. Nothing had changed, until now, 12 hours since you were put to sleep. Your temperature was dropping quickly and you began seizing.

“TONY!” he yelled, “GET OVER HERE!”

Right before they were about to cover your already restrained body in warm blankets, Wanda stopped you.

“No.” she demanded, eyes blank, focused only on you. “She is fighting. No matter what happens, do not alter her state.” Wanda took the seat Bucky had been seated in and began to explain what was happening  
within you. “It calls itself Death and Decay,” she began, eyes in a trance, unmoving from your frame. “Death and Decay has declared that it is Mia and that Mia is a shell of Death and Decay. It offers her power and control. She is convincing Mia that all of us are gone because of her. That her wrath of our death would be better used to its advantage. It is very close to winning.” Wanda stopped, eyes coming back to her surroundings, gasping for air.

“Wanda! Are you okay?” Steve asked, rushing to her side.

“It… it wanted me to tell you that,” she said, rubbing her temples, “But it lied. The cold is feeding it.”

They covered you in thick, warm blankets, and screams erupted from your body as it thrashed about. Steve had to hold Bucky back as your eyes shot open, blackness replacing your blue, almost lavender irises he loved so much.

Your body continued to thrash about until you had broken the restraints holding you down as Death began speaking. “You will never have her back!” she roared, “She belongs to me now. BOW BEFORE DEATH AND DECAY!”

When no one moved to obey your command, you looked at them, one by one.  
“Tony Stark. You have avoided me for far too long, it’s about time you are rolling in your grave.” It turned to Steve next, “Steven Rogers, ah, America’s Hero. You were born a sickly child and was meant to die a sickly child, how about I bring you back so you can fully feel the power I inflict? And James Barnes,” you said, twisting your lips into a menacing grin, “The one who was  
silly enough to love her. I might spare you. You are the asset of hydra. You helped bring death to many. That will be rewarded if you bow to me.”

A chill fell over the room. As it did, everyone toppled to the ground crying out in anguish.

“YES!” You called, “Feed me with your screams!”

“Stop.” Your voice rang out over Death and Decay. “You are not welcome here.”  
Death turned to face you, anger and confusion fell over its face. “How dare you defy me! You will pay for this!”

“No, I won’t,” you stated, “You will.”

You then plunged a knife you had found through its body, where its heart should be. Its cries echoed loudly, reverberating through your own body as it seemed to disappear.

Then, you woke up.

Your eyes slowly blinked open, the sunlight practically blinding you.

“Well, good morning Amelia, how are you feeling?” A man asked.

“Uh, confused. What is going on?” You looked around you to see a lab that looked incredibly familiar. The man did as well, but you couldn’t place how you knew him.

“That makes sense, you have been in cryostasis for the last few years. Your memories will begin to return to you slowly, so be sure to be patient with yourself. My name is Tony Stark, you came to me five years ago after you had been captured and experimented on by some radical group. This is Shuri, sh-”

“She can speak for herself,” a young woman with a thick African accent approached you. “I am the reason you are still alive, no thanks to the colonizer.” She said rolling her eyes. “Before Tony can interrupt me, let me begin to explain what has been going on for the last five years, both with my discoveries, and what you have missed.”

Shuri suggested you slowly reorient yourself to pop culture and take it easy with making friends. “You’ve been alone with your mind for a long while, don’t need to scare yourself,” she had said chuckling.

You spent a few weeks with Shuri, Tony, Dr. Banner, and a young man named Peter Parker. Peter and Shuri seemed to have some secret language because no one knew what they were talking about.

You were taught different techniques to control your powers. Shuri had been able to tap into your brain and literally rewire it, giving you the upper hand on your abilities. “One of the few reasons you came to me-”

“You mean one of the reasons she came to me,” Tony corrected.

“No, you do not get that credit. You made more problems for me to fix.” She then turned back to you, “one of the reasons was because you had no control over both your powers and your mind. Memories and the ways the group had used to brainwash you would overpower everything, causing you to act erratically. We have successfully erased the coding they used to control you.  
Now, the real work begins as you learn to stop giving your memories the power to control you.”

You took in a deep breath, “This is going to be painful, isn’t it?”

Shuri only smiled at you.

Your lessons were going well, and you were beginning to stop getting in your own way and you began to see the vast abilities you held within you. Not only could you destroy with just a touch, but you could bring to life something from nothing. You spent most of your days practicing meditation to stay disciplined or tending to a garden on the roof. 

You were wearing a tank top and high waisted cotton pants, your favorite outfit that allowed you to feel the breeze, despite how thick and humid it was. The sun beating down on you as you hummed, clearing out the weeds in the bed of strawberry plants when you heard the door open behind you.

You took off your gardening gloves, and stood up, wiping any dirt from your pants. “Hello,” you said cheerfully.

“Hi, Amelia, right?” the man asked as he approached and you nodded. “I’m Bucky. Shuri has asked that I help you settle in. I have gone through readjusting after cryostasis.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bucky. Glad someone understands,” you said, chuckling softly.

Bucky extended his hand to you, and as you took it, your eyes shot up to his. 

“You sure we haven’t met before?” You asked carefully.

Except, Bucky wasn’t looking at you, he was looking curiously at the little dark blue flower in the middle of the bed of strawberries.

“N-no, I don’t believe we have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely imagined the parts in her "mind" (sort of?) the same as the scenes in Stranger Things with Eleven using her powers.


End file.
